Why is it so hard to forget

I still think about you. I just can't help it. I miss you so much.

What puzzles me the most is that why am I feeling this way? When I think about the times when we were together, I feel stupid. Because I can't think of any reason that would lead to me feeling they way I do now.

I still cry myself to sleep sometimes and it makes me so mad. I hate it, I hate that feeling. It makes me feel weak, pathetic, and stupid because I have abso-fucking-lutely no reason to be having this feeling at all. I'm an idiot. A fool. So naive and pathetic.

That fucking four letter word

I think it's the most stupid ridiculous rubbish pointless feeling humans can ever experience.
It makes you look stupid.
It makes you do stupid things.
It makes you do utterly embarrassing things.
It makes you pathetic. So fucking pathetic.
It makes your heart hurt like it's been stabbed with a thousand blunt knives, stuffed into a meat shredder, ran over by a steamroller lubricated with fresh volcano lava from hell, and have a rotten durian rolled back and forth on it, all at the same time.
I often ask myself, how do you know it's love? How do you know it's not just another crush? How do you know it's not lust?
I don't really know to be honest.
I don't think I've ever been in love.
But the pain I'm feeling right now is exactly how I just described above.
I don't think it's love.
I just fucking miss you. That's all.
I wonder if you ever thought of me at all?

Another day goes by...

...and all I can say is, wish I could forget you.

Terperangkap

Tangled up in the strings of lust,
Lost in a sea of euphoria,
And so I fell,
By my own careless imprudence.

And so I tell myself,
Countless of times,
"Stop, deny, refuse."

But this cycle nevers ends,
It's like an infinite loop,
It's bound to happen again.

Trapped in my own labyrinth,
I cannot stand any further,
And I sure as hell cannot wait any longer.

I have no business here,
To be stuck in the same monotonous routine.

I need to go,
I need a map to guide me through it,
I need to find a way to be happy,
I need some time away, to find myself.

And together my friends,
We'll conquer the world,
Climb the highest mountains,
Swim the seven seas,
Get lost in the foreign world,
Suck in all the experience.

Together, we grab life by the horns,
And die in the ecstasy of endless dreams and adventures.

What Ifs

I wish I never met you.
But somehow I'm kind of happy that I met you.
Everything happens for a reason I guess.

I just really wish it didn't have to end this way.

Would it have been different if I told you how I feel earlier?
Would it even matter?
Would you have stayed?

Here I am again

Wow it's been a while since I last posted here. Been pretty busy with work. Working up to almost 10 hours per day 6 days a week. I absolutely have no life now. Sunday is like the most sacred day ever right now. But I try not to sleep in on Sundays. I would go out and do things I didn't get to do during my working days. Or just watch some movies/TV series that I have piled up on utorrent. Or just simply chill and play the piano or guitar. I used to go hiking and trail running almost every Sunday but now I don't have the energy anymore. I haven't even been going to the gym for almost a month but my friend just told me I lost weight, despite all the junks and fast food I've been omnomnom-ing at the office. Must be the stress and lack of sleep. I miss all that adventure. I miss hiking. I miss the adrenaline rush.

I love my job, I honestly do. I'm blessed to be working with the most awesome co-workers, working on an international feature film. Something that I never did imagine doing for my first ever real job as a fresh graduate. But I'm just too tired right now. My body is aching all over and I couldn't even wake up every morning without feeling so lethargic, without my body aching. =\

I hope this will end in a few weeks time after we've sent this film to the Comic-Con. I hope we do get that 1 week off. I really need it. We all need it. I wanna go off to some island and chill and clear my mind off things. Really painful things.

*Dear you: I passed by your area this evening on the way back home from meeting my friend. I wish I didn't have to but it was late and I didn't wanna take the longer route. I couldn't hold it in and burst into tears, all the way home. It's only been a short while, but I'm missing you already. I love you. I really do.

I miss you, you fucking idiot.

Bodoh

You said okay to meet at 8pm and that you saw me somewhere nearby. But then when I texted you back, it took you 20mins to reply and then you said you're at some bar someplace else and then it took you another 20mins to reply me back when I asked what time you're gonna be home. I was driving around aimlessly waiting for you for an hour.

When you finally replied, I got fed up and didn't bother to reply but I was still around waiting for you for 2 fucking hours. And then you said I'm ignoring you? You're the one ignoring me in the first place. Yeaa you've been in meetings all day and night...but you could've at least told me you're late so I wouldn't have to wait. Worst part is that you didn't even say you're sorry for making me wait that long.

I don't even know why I fell for you in the first place.

Insecure, maybe.

I never thought I'd do anything like that in my entire life. I've never felt so vulnerable. I've never let my guard down like that before. My ego has always overpowered my emotions. That was the HARDEST thing I had to do. Feels weird too. Like it's not me. But it felt good...kind of. Felt happy and sad at the same time.

I really need you to stay. For a while, just for a while.

Blergh

Not sure if really falling...or just lonely

Reminds me of you

Featherstone

And my love is yours but your love's not mine
So I'll go but we know I'll see you down the line
And we'll hate what we've lost but we'll love what we find
And I'm feeling fine, we've made it to the coastline

What am doing,
What was I thinking,
I'm only destroying myself,
I'm a total wreck,
I'm a fucking mess.

Oh screw it,
Enjoy it while it last,
For all I know there's never going to be anything like this ever again,
And when it ends,
I'm gonna rip this useless heart of mine out and fling it into the fucking ocean.

Karma, karma, karma. Karma's a fucking bitch.

I'm a fucking mess

Flutters ♥

You

I can't sleep without knowing if you're okay or not

We're only human

When you know you can't have someone, that's when you really want them. When you know you can have someone, you couldn't care less.

My soundtrack for this year. Looking forward for 2012. =)

Voices [feat. Vanessa Quinones] by Dario Gand
♥

Happy Twenty Twelve =)

Let's start this year with an all time favorite quote of mine:

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." -Mark Twain

This year's gonna be exciting. It's a new start for everything. =)