Carpe diem...
Some people have a 5 year plan, 10 year plan, get a masters degree, a phd, start a business, find their soulmate, settle down, yadda yadda yadda. Well I have my own little plan. I'm not gonna be searching for my "soulmate". Due to my failed experiences in the so-called love department in this 23 years of my life, I am like what Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis would say, "emotionally damaged and emotionally unavailable". I have the ability to turn off those kind of feelings if I want to, to avoid rejection and disappointments. So instead, I will be searching for "myself".
I really don't know what to do with life to be honest and I can't imagine myself stuck here doing the very same thing everybody's doing every single day for the rest of my life, wondering "what if". So I decided to go on this so-called plan of mine, this little adventure. I've had this thing planned since I was in my last year of secondary school, which was like 7 years ago I think. I made a list of things to do in life but I never really got the courage or the support to actually complete it. Well, I did accomplished some minor ones though.
So now, I decided, if not now, when? Life is too short to be doing the same old monotonous routine every single day for the rest of your life. Life is too short to conform to what society expects. Life is too short to be sane. You're only gonna be young once. So I sure as hell don't want to waste it.
Actually, a loooong "heart-to-heart" talk with my friends the other night made realize that I have no clue what to do with myself, and with their suggestions, I decided to really do this since I'm not getting any younger. Yes, age is a BIG factor to me.
For the most part of my life, I've been following my dad travel to some parts of the world. Since I was a toddler, I got to see, do, and experience things that the average people would find to be a luxury. To me it isn't a luxury, it's just a privilege. So growing up traveling has taught me A LOT of things in life. It has made me who I am today. I became an open-minded person because of that, I'm an independent person because of that, I gained a lot of knowledge because of that. And you can basically throw me anywhere in this world and trust me, I can survive and adapt fairly well (okay, maybe not India, Mexico, Thailand and Negeri Sembilan because people there eat very spicy food and I don't :p). Which is why I think by continuing to travel would be a good idea for me to discover my adult-self and to decide what to do in life.
I was bullied at some point in kindergarten, I hated primary school mainly because my dad had VERY high expectations on me to be the top of my class but I never was, I didn't have many friends in secondary school because of my anxiety/shyness/quietness/weirdness/un-girlyness, and my freshman year in college didn't really work out so well, I transferred to 2 colleges, and after 3 colleges and 3 majorings later, I finally graduated, at 23, with a bachelor's degree. *phew*
So I was practically nobody throughout my school years. People have said I'm a late bloomer but I don't know. Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. But what I do know is that if I don't try, I'll never know. I've got nothing to lose anyway.
I've always imagined myself to be someone different, something out of the norm.
I'm not your ordinary 20-something girl. I'm restless, I can't stay in one place for too long, I have difficulty in making decisions, I have social-anxiety, it takes a VERY VERY long time for me to warm up to strangers, I get this little anxiety attack every so often where I get tongue-tied and got the words all mixed up when I speak and it's really embarrassing so most of the time I stay quiet to avoid that, I suffer from inferiority complex, I'm "one of the lads", I have to have something to do, I can't stay still, I get bored way too easily, I treasure privacy and I like doing things on my own, I'm very independent, I love adventures, I love extreme sports, I love martial arts, I love challenges, I'm an outdoor person, I love trying new things and new/weird food, I'm childish, I'm immature, I'm completely unladylike, basically, I'm everything the average Malay girl is not.
Another friend of my asked me to join him on his backpacking trip throughout Europe and Asia sometime next year but I've yet to figure out how the hell am I gonna get the funds for that because it's waaaaaay too expensive. So as of now I don't really have a concrete plan yet. But most probably I won't be following him. I'm going to be realistic and I'm planning on my own little trip somewhere.
The main objective of this plan is to find myself, to grow up, gain my self-esteem, and to hopefully discover my potential and decide what to do with my life. It's not that I don't want to get married and have a family, have kids. Beneath all these tomboy-ish, machoness :p, rocker, egoistic self of mine...I still am a girl after all, so of course I wanna get married and have the best wedding I could ever imagined, have a wonderful family. But I will not settle down until I've completed this goal and dream of mine. Well, unless along the way I found someone who's willing to go through it all together with me, in which i highly doubt. Haha.
Aaaaand if it doesn't work out at all, I have a backup plan; Find a decent job related to my field, adopt some cats and be that crazy old cat lady who lives alone with her hundred cats next door. Hahaha. Yeah, that's plan B.
And yes this note might be the result of me suffering from the post-college depression. Hahhahaa.
But I'm dead serious and determined to do this.
If you've made it till this last 2 sentences, thank you very much for bearing with this long emotional rubbish note. You're a great friend. =)
Some people have a 5 year plan, 10 year plan, get a masters degree, a phd, start a business, find their soulmate, settle down, yadda yadda yadda. Well I have my own little plan. I'm not gonna be searching for my "soulmate". Due to my failed experiences in the so-called love department in this 23 years of my life, I am like what Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis would say, "emotionally damaged and emotionally unavailable". I have the ability to turn off those kind of feelings if I want to, to avoid rejection and disappointments. So instead, I will be searching for "myself".
I really don't know what to do with life to be honest and I can't imagine myself stuck here doing the very same thing everybody's doing every single day for the rest of my life, wondering "what if". So I decided to go on this so-called plan of mine, this little adventure. I've had this thing planned since I was in my last year of secondary school, which was like 7 years ago I think. I made a list of things to do in life but I never really got the courage or the support to actually complete it. Well, I did accomplished some minor ones though.
So now, I decided, if not now, when? Life is too short to be doing the same old monotonous routine every single day for the rest of your life. Life is too short to conform to what society expects. Life is too short to be sane. You're only gonna be young once. So I sure as hell don't want to waste it.
Actually, a loooong "heart-to-heart" talk with my friends the other night made realize that I have no clue what to do with myself, and with their suggestions, I decided to really do this since I'm not getting any younger. Yes, age is a BIG factor to me.
For the most part of my life, I've been following my dad travel to some parts of the world. Since I was a toddler, I got to see, do, and experience things that the average people would find to be a luxury. To me it isn't a luxury, it's just a privilege. So growing up traveling has taught me A LOT of things in life. It has made me who I am today. I became an open-minded person because of that, I'm an independent person because of that, I gained a lot of knowledge because of that. And you can basically throw me anywhere in this world and trust me, I can survive and adapt fairly well (okay, maybe not India, Mexico, Thailand and Negeri Sembilan because people there eat very spicy food and I don't :p). Which is why I think by continuing to travel would be a good idea for me to discover my adult-self and to decide what to do in life.
I was bullied at some point in kindergarten, I hated primary school mainly because my dad had VERY high expectations on me to be the top of my class but I never was, I didn't have many friends in secondary school because of my anxiety/shyness/quietness/weirdness/un-girlyness, and my freshman year in college didn't really work out so well, I transferred to 2 colleges, and after 3 colleges and 3 majorings later, I finally graduated, at 23, with a bachelor's degree. *phew*
So I was practically nobody throughout my school years. People have said I'm a late bloomer but I don't know. Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. But what I do know is that if I don't try, I'll never know. I've got nothing to lose anyway.
I've always imagined myself to be someone different, something out of the norm.
I'm not your ordinary 20-something girl. I'm restless, I can't stay in one place for too long, I have difficulty in making decisions, I have social-anxiety, it takes a VERY VERY long time for me to warm up to strangers, I get this little anxiety attack every so often where I get tongue-tied and got the words all mixed up when I speak and it's really embarrassing so most of the time I stay quiet to avoid that, I suffer from inferiority complex, I'm "one of the lads", I have to have something to do, I can't stay still, I get bored way too easily, I treasure privacy and I like doing things on my own, I'm very independent, I love adventures, I love extreme sports, I love martial arts, I love challenges, I'm an outdoor person, I love trying new things and new/weird food, I'm childish, I'm immature, I'm completely unladylike, basically, I'm everything the average Malay girl is not.
Another friend of my asked me to join him on his backpacking trip throughout Europe and Asia sometime next year but I've yet to figure out how the hell am I gonna get the funds for that because it's waaaaaay too expensive. So as of now I don't really have a concrete plan yet. But most probably I won't be following him. I'm going to be realistic and I'm planning on my own little trip somewhere.
The main objective of this plan is to find myself, to grow up, gain my self-esteem, and to hopefully discover my potential and decide what to do with my life. It's not that I don't want to get married and have a family, have kids. Beneath all these tomboy-ish, machoness :p, rocker, egoistic self of mine...I still am a girl after all, so of course I wanna get married and have the best wedding I could ever imagined, have a wonderful family. But I will not settle down until I've completed this goal and dream of mine. Well, unless along the way I found someone who's willing to go through it all together with me, in which i highly doubt. Haha.
Aaaaand if it doesn't work out at all, I have a backup plan; Find a decent job related to my field, adopt some cats and be that crazy old cat lady who lives alone with her hundred cats next door. Hahaha. Yeah, that's plan B.
And yes this note might be the result of me suffering from the post-college depression. Hahhahaa.
But I'm dead serious and determined to do this.
If you've made it till this last 2 sentences, thank you very much for bearing with this long emotional rubbish note. You're a great friend. =)
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